Dear High-Roller,
This sounds like a dream job. But, honestly - I am
disappointed; I am sorry to say I don't meet the age requirements. However, I
have more than several years Executive caliper experience under my, er, skirt.
My references will no doubt speak highly and be influential.
Allow me;
for your consideration: will accept entry level - conditioned only upon a small
request, which I shall present in the form of a question:
Would you
interested in an old lady with a crazy-cat-lady reputation?
I only
require you make accommodations for a very large and fluffy long haired cat. I
will supply all brushings, deflea treatments, be absolutely certain you are
never assaulted by one single flea, and keep the animal occupied on my side of
the bed. You don't have to lift a single finger, but I will ask that you
understand that I operate at full Executive Capacity only when the big fluffy
cat is slung over my shoulder, on my lap, or nearby. Since you state no sex is involved, I feel comfortable telling you that I'm not tickled by men. Cats tickle me in ways no man can; they give good nuzzle, sit quietly, and make no emotional demands.
I've chosen to be
upfront with you rather than charm you into considering a woman not meeting your
current standards-then laying the cat on you after we're in Las Vegas. No bait
and switch here, good Sir.
Women should be up front with men - and vice
versa.
I tried sending you an email but it came back to me all covered
in cat hair, apparently rejected by a very allergic Daemon.
I don't know
Daemon, but he stands in our way.
Yours, sincerely and Executively, The
cat lady of Orange County
GAP
*****
SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. High-stakes gambler seeking bright, attractive
female Executive Assistant to accompany him on gambling trips. PLEASE NOTE: the
nature of this position is STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL and does not include anything
illegal, of questionable ethics, or sexual in nature. This is truly a unique
opportunity to live the true high-roller lifestyle that only a select few will
ever experience in a lifetime. All travel, food, lodging, beverage, partying,
etc. included. This is a flexible, part-time (every other wknd. only) short-term
position (1-2 yrs).
Duties/Responsibilities to include:
- 24/7 on
call assistance and accompaniment during trips (wknds. only Fri-Sun)
- Serve
as primary liaison communicating with VIP hosts, Casino hosts, Entourage and
accompanying guests
- Arranging & organizing any and all travel, dining,
entertainment/nightlife arrangements
- Note-taking & bookkeeping
assistance
Qualifications should include:
- MUST be physically
attractive, outgoing with a POSITIVE attitude
- MUST be honest, organized
and detail-oriented
- MUST be between the ages of 21-30
- Previous
Executive Assistant experience a plus
- Modeling experience a plus
-
Must have a good memory and have decent math skills
- High School education
required
- Must be able to travel - fly to Vegas and other destinations on
wknds.
Compensation:
- $500 cash starting per wknd.
-
All-inclusive expenses paid on trips
Please submit resume along with
photos and/or portfolio, MySpace/Facebook profile (if available).